Remaining broken.

This is day 3 of being back in the States and my heart is still so heavy. My thoughts are all jumbled up, which will be shown in my writing. I am finding myself angry and intolerant, sad and upset, just filled with so many emotions. I am angry with people here who live their lives as if people aren't poor, destitute, and dying because of basic needs. "Out of sight, out of mind." 

I never looked beyond the lives I saw with my eyes. I had a heart for the poor and destitute, but after going to Guatemala, I have a whole new understanding of the word "poverty." In the States, the people who are considered "poor" or living in "poverty" when looking on the social economic hierarchy still have a roof over their head, food on their tables, clothes on their backs, shoes on their feet, education for their kids, access to medicine, stores, cars, public transit, electricity, clean water, and most likely have some form of cell phone, whether a basic cell phone or even smartphone. Most adults have probably completed at least a high school degree. 

Well now I've seen poverty with my own eyes, walked on the trash filled roads of peoples "homes" at a garbage dump, felt the warm hands of the children in the rescue center, and heard the cries of the children we rescued on our last day. Those will permanently be locked in my brain. After coming back into the states, I find myself being more and more irate with it. I find myself in tears. How can we be so shallow? To have everything we need and more, yet still complain because we want more? It's a vicious cycle that leaves us greedy and selfish. I am angry at all the people who say "I'm blessed to have everything I do" yet have no inclination to change their abundant, selfish lifestyles to serve the poor. For the babies who are abandoned like Diego, fighting for life like Henry, and reserved and shy like my sweet boy Elsa after being put in a foreign place without the people he's been with for the 3 years of his life. I cry because I am angry. I cry because my mind still can't grasp that there are millions more stories like this around the world, and just in Guatemala. And yet America is blind to this..

There is so much more to life. 

Before Guatemala, my focus was healthy living, exercising, and counting down the days until I was done with the semester. And every single day leading up to my trip to guatemala, I was faced with spiritual warfare. I just didn't want to go... it was too out of my comfort zone. My emotions of missing my family were overwhelming. The week before my trip, my car acted up and I took it in. $1800 later, it was fixed. I was so focused on myself, my own "problems," I never even thought to serve others. I was so lost. 

I read this devotional this morning.It says that when we are broken for Him, He trusts us to give him our best. Do we really know what we're asking for when we pray to "break our hearts for what breaks his"? I sure didn't. I was asking the creator of the world to break my heart to be identical to His. How overwhelming, but how absolutely needed it was. I've realized when God broke my heart for His people in Guatemala, my whole life is different. My whole world has a different perspective. I don't want that to change. I want to remain in a broken state so my passion to serve these people never dies. So I can continue going back and serving. So while I am here in the States, I can raise money for Hope Of Life and the children and people they reach. But my fear is that as I get back into my normal routine of college life, I will forget the poverty there and fade back into my old selfish living. I pray everyday to not let that happen.

As I reflect on all the broken places and faces I saw, I also know God has a plan for the hungry, the destitute, and lost. It's in me. It's in you. We are called to be servants.  James 1:27: “Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles, and refuse to let the world corrupt us.” And when God breaks you, He's restoring you. 

Do more. Be more. For the glory of God, to help others in need. 

To help and change you.

To be broken for His will.

xo

My heart: from shallow to shattered. pt 2.

My last post was Tuesday, our first day at Hope Of Life. In relation to the rest of the week it pretty easy going. Of course it was just the beginning.

Day 2 at Hope of Life.

Our team was able to get the official tour of the campus with Carlos Vargas, the founder of this amazing organization. I could write about what an amazing individual he is, but I will save that for another post in the near future! As I reflect on this day, looking through the pictures of our tour, was the inspirational and simple words from Carlos. "Don't just be a dreamer, be a dream maker." Of course, he also told us not to hang out with losers otherwise we'd soon be losers too. Which I truly believe we become like the 5 people we spend the most time with... Carlos just reminded us of that. This was his dream. He, along with God's blessing, made it a reality by being a dream maker. It started on one acre of land... and now it's a 5,000 acre campus. How remarkable. How absolutely inspiring it is to know He gave his life to God, and has touched thousands of people through his ministry of Hope Of Life. Literally saving and changing lives.

The Hope of Life campus has several facilities to it. The orphanage, the baby rescue center, the home for the elderly, Kelly's house, several houses with rooms for the interpreters and families of the rescued babies if they come with them, the school, the Hope of Life village, a few warehouses, etc. We toured and heard Carlos' heart behind everything. A cherished memory.

The next pictures are of Kelly's house. Kelly's house is a special needs house donated by the family of Kelly Gourley, who wanted to keep her memory and spirit alive after she passed away from cancer. Her two cousins, Katie and Shelley, were on our team and this was a precious moment for them. I'm glad I got to hear about Kelly's legacy from her family and how it's helping the special needs children now. I'm so happy to have gotten to know Katie and Shelley. Kelly's memory will always be alive, even to those of us who didn't have the pleasure to meet her. Love you both! We are thankful for your family and the lives you changed by building this house.

 Next we met some kids at the orphanage!

Next stop was Hope Of Life village. This village is a place for abused women to come and live in a safe environment on the Hope of Life campus. At this moment, it was hard to take in all the faces and sweet women and children we met along this walk. I am happy they have a safe place to live, but am heartbroken why they are there. A bunch of kids walked with us, held our hands, and touched our hearts.

 In the above photo is where we learned if the kids have brown or blonde streaks in their hair, it's a sign of malnourishment. As you can see in this photo, she has brown streaks all throughout her hair but she has dark roots which means she's getting the nutrients! Great news.


Next, we went to work! We bagged over 1700 bags of food, 5 bags within 1 bag per family, which totaled to over 425,000 servings. We packaged up paper towels and other toiletries. We moved hospital beds and medical equipment. It took a team of 31 to get this done and  we all worked together, making friends, and having conversations as we served. I even almost got clonked on the head by a soup can when unloading the bus haha! :) This was our first getting our hands dirty experience. It was a true blessing to serve and help where help was needed on the hope of life campus.

When we had our free time, we got cleaned up and were able to go and visit with the elderly and baby rescue center. I'm going to make a post specifically for the baby rescue center because of all the stories would take up this whole page, but I can't even emphasize how big of a blessing it was to experience this day with this team. We really lucked out with the best hardworking group of people to be together this week.

My sweet new friend Kristina and me that night. We had a beautiful view from our missions house, had a great day, sore arms, and a lovely time. To end my stories from day 2, I can just simply say. I am blessed to be a blessing. 

Philippians 2 "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men."

My heart: from shallow to shattered.

As I sit in my warm dorm room on a rainy Monday night, the background noise of a Christian pandora station playing, and such a heavy heart that its weight seems to have an affect on my lungs. Where do I start? So many overwhelming experiences that have touched my heart in a way no other has. I feel like the way I lived before Guatemala was ignorant, selfish, and shallow. I just spent my spring break from college in a third world country that stole my heart.

Day 1 at Hope of Life.

We went to a facility called Hope Of Life International, focusing on Operation Baby Rescue. My first day at Hope Of Life was when I had my first culture shock moment. We had been in a few nice airports, a nice hotel, and a relatively nice bus on our previous days traveling to Hope Of Life. Even when we first got there, we had a nice missions house, with clean linens, several showers that reminded me of the ones in my first dorm at school. The Hope Of Life campus where they put mission teams were great- a beautiful pool, a nice lounging area, and a very cozy dining room with delicious coffee. Nothing put me out of my comfort zone.

But that quickly changed. We loaded up the bus to hand out bags in a village called Pueblo Modelo. It is a village of 5,000 people that were relocated there by the government after their homes being destroyed by mudslides. There was nothing there, so they made their homes with scrap metal, tarp, and tree branches. There were no jobs, no way to provide for their families. When we pulled in, I saw hundreds lined up to get their bags of food (there were 800 families served that day). We got out, and a little girl came up and grabbed my hand and smiled at me. Is this really happening? I had never seen such happiness in such a broken, desperate circumstance before. Actually, I had never seen this desperation before.

Yet, as we handed out the bags to these people- they greeted us with smiles, and "gracias"' after receiving their bags. Even in the midst of their circumstances, which in the US would be considered an crisis and extreme emergency intervention circumstances of these families, they were seemingly happy. They had smiles on their faces.  The kids here love to be loved. If you love on them, they just sincerely love on you. After handing out bags to the families, we were given a small tour of the community and their school. They love having their photos taken and love just being with us. They followed us from the food drop to their school and we got to hang out with them for a few minutes. What a beautiful sight. What a heart shattering and self-reflecting moment that was. To know I live a very plentiful life, and how I complain probably daily about the minuscule things that don't even matter the next day. Yet what a happy and grateful spirit they had.  How shameful of me, but in this moment, they inspired me to live a life full of thankfulness to God for the abundance of health and wealth I live in. In their pure hearts, pure happiness, they were a reflection of what we are told to be. It says in 1 Timothy 4:12 "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." The children of Guatemala, and specifically in Pueblo Modelo, taught me to live like this. They live this without even trying.

After this, we cleaned up and had our Fiesta Night welcome dinner. This was our first team bonding experience, with delicious food and beautiful new friends. One thing I would like to point out about this night was I got to witness 3 of our team members meeting the children they sponsor. What a beautiful moment. I never realized what a difference sponsoring children actually makes until I saw it in person. Until I saw the beautiful kids meet their sponsors. What a blessed moment.

Fun night. Beautiful friends. Beautiful country. Had no idea what the next days were going to hold... onto day 2 at Hope of Life.